Writing an Obituary

Writing an obituary can feel like a strange task to face while grieving — here’s a practical starting point.

What’s commonly included

• Full name (and nickname, if relevant)
• Age and place of residence
• Key life details — family, career, education, hobbies, or passions
• Surviving family members
• Service information, if you’d like it public
• Where to send flowers or make a memorial donation, if applicable

You don’t have to follow a strict template

While there’s a traditional structure many obituaries follow, there’s no rule requiring it. Many families today write something more personal — sometimes with humor that reflects who the person actually was, sometimes unconventional in structure, sometimes shorter and simpler than tradition suggests. What matters most is that it feels true to the person.

Getting help writing it

The funeral home you’re working with often provides a template or writing assistance as part of their standard services — you don’t need to start from a blank page alone. Family members can also collaborate, since different people often remember different details worth including.

Where it gets published

Common options include a local newspaper, the funeral home’s website, and a dedicated digital memorial page — many families use more than one of these together. Newspaper obituaries are often priced by the line or word, ranging from under $100 for a brief notice to several hundred dollars or more for a longer one with a photo; a funeral home’s own website or memorial page is typically included at no extra cost.

A few common judgment calls

Mentioning an ex-spouse comes up more often than people expect, and there’s no fixed etiquette rule. If there are children from that relationship, many families mention the ex-spouse as the children’s parent; if the relationship had no ongoing family ties, some families leave it out entirely. This is a personal decision for the family to make, not a formatting requirement.

Announcing a death on social media, particularly Facebook, has become common alongside a traditional obituary. A simple, direct post from a close family member — sharing the basic facts and often a photo or brief memory — is the typical approach. Many families wait until immediate family has been personally notified before posting, specifically so no one learns the news from a social media feed first.

Taking your time

If the immediate days feel too overwhelming to write something you’re happy with, a shorter placeholder version can be published first, with a longer, more considered tribute added later — there’s no rule that it has to be finished all at once.

Publication requirements and costs vary by newspaper and funeral home — ask directly about deadlines and any word-count or cost limits.