Writing an Obituary

Writing an obituary can feel like a strange task to face while grieving — here’s a practical starting point.

What should definitely be included?

• Full name (and nickname, if relevant)
• Age and place of residence
• Key life details - family, career, education, hobbies, or passions
• Surviving family members
• Service information, if you’d like it public
• Where to send flowers or make a memorial donation, if applicable

One caution: be thoughtful about personal details. Leaving the home address out of a public notice is a sensible precaution, since police have warned that burglars read obituaries for service times, and thieves read them for personal information too. See our guides on securing the home after a death and protecting a deceased person’s mail and identity.

Does an obituary have to follow a strict format?

No - while there’s a traditional structure many obituaries follow, there’s no rule requiring it. Many families today write something more personal - sometimes with humor that reflects who the person actually was, sometimes unconventional in structure, sometimes shorter and simpler than tradition suggests. What matters most is that it feels true to the person.

Who usually writes the obituary?

Often a close family member. The funeral home you’re working with also often provides a template or writing assistance as part of their standard services - you don’t need to start from a blank page alone. Family members can also collaborate, since different people often remember different details worth including.

Where does an obituary typically get published, and how much does it cost?

Common options include a local newspaper, the funeral home’s website, and a dedicated digital memorial page - many families use more than one of these together. Newspaper obituaries are often priced by the line or word, ranging from under $100 for a brief notice to several hundred dollars or more for a longer one with a photo; a funeral home’s own website or memorial page is typically included at no extra cost.

Should an ex-spouse be mentioned in the obituary?

Mentioning an ex-spouse comes up more often than people expect, and there’s no fixed etiquette rule. If there are children from that relationship, many families mention the ex-spouse as the children’s parent; if the relationship had no ongoing family ties, some families leave it out entirely. This is a personal decision for the family to make, not a formatting requirement.

How do I announce a death on Facebook?

Announcing a death on social media, particularly Facebook, has become common alongside a traditional obituary. A simple, direct post from a close family member - sharing the basic facts and often a photo or brief memory - is the typical approach. Many families wait until immediate family has been personally notified before posting, specifically so no one learns the news from a social media feed first.

Do I need to finish it all at once?

No - if the immediate days feel too overwhelming to write something you’re happy with, a shorter placeholder version can be published first, with a longer, more considered tribute added later - there’s no rule that it has to be finished all at once. Some families now also use AI writing tools to help produce that first draft - see our guide on could an AI write your obituary for what that can and can’t realistically do.

If the death was by suicide or an overdose, see writing an obituary after a suicide or overdose.

For what to do with the person’s social media accounts, see social media accounts after death.

If you’re asking for donations instead of flowers, see what to send instead of flowers; to thank donors afterward, see how to write thank-you notes after a funeral.

Publication requirements and costs vary by newspaper and funeral home — ask directly about deadlines and any word-count or cost limits.