Writing an Obituary When the Cause of Death Is Suicide or Overdose

An obituary is one of the first public things a family writes after a death, and when the cause is suicide or an overdose, it can feel like a decision with no good answer: say too much and risk judgment or hurting others, say too little and feel you’re hiding. There is no single right choice. This guide explains the options and, if you do mention the cause, wording that suicide prevention experts recommend. It follows safe-messaging guidelines, so it doesn’t describe methods, and the examples are brief.

If you are having thoughts of ending your life, please call or text 988 (the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), or call 911 in an emergency.

Do I have to say how the person died?

No. Obituaries don’t have to include a cause of death, and families make different choices. Three common approaches:

1. Name the cause plainly. For example, “died by suicide” or “died of an overdose”
2. Name the condition, not the cause. For example, “after a long struggle with depression” or “after living with a substance use disorder”
3. Keep the cause private. For example, “died unexpectedly” or “died suddenly,” which is true without sharing the cause

Any of these can be honest. The Washington Post, in a report on overdose obituaries, described families who chose to swap phrases like “died suddenly at home” for “died after a long struggle with addiction,” hoping to challenge the stigma and shame bound up in these deaths. Other families prefer privacy, especially while grieving. You can also decide later, and you can tell different audiences different things; see what to tell people.

If you choose to keep the cause private, consider wording that is true. Something like “died unexpectedly” works; something that is untrue, such as naming an illness the person didn’t have, can add to pain if the truth comes out later.

If I mention suicide, how should I word it?

Suicide prevention organizations and state agencies publish recommendations for media, and the same principles are useful for families writing a public notice, because a death notice is public information that others may read.

• Say “died by suicide.” AFSP, the American Psychiatric Association, and state media guidelines recommend “died by suicide” over “committed suicide,” which suggests a crime or sin, and over “successful” or “failed” attempt language
• Leave out the method and location. AFSP and the media guidelines from the Texas Suicide Prevention Network and the Illinois Department of Public Health recommend not describing the method, lethal means, or place, because those details can harm others who are struggling, and the same goes for notes left behind
• Don’t offer a single reason. Guidance advises against attributing a suicide to a single event, such as a job loss or breakup, or presenting it as inexplicable. Suicide is complex
• Don’t present suicide as a solution. AFSP says suicide should never be portrayed as honorable or romantic, or as a reasonable option for someone in pain. It may help to be cautious with phrases that suggest a death was a release or a choice that made sense
• Offer hope or help. The Texas Suicide Prevention Network’s media guidance recommends presenting alternatives, such as calling a suicide prevention center or getting counseling. Alliance of Hope suggests ending shared stories with a line such as: if you have lost a loved one to suicide, you are not alone, and support is available

If I mention an overdose, how should I word it?

NIDA recommends person-first language: “person with a substance use disorder” and not “addict” or “drug abuser.” You might write that your loved one “died of an overdose” or “died after living with a substance use disorder.” Many families choose not to name a specific substance, and you can decide that for yourself. Focus on who they were, as in the examples families have shared publicly.

Can the obituary be about the person’s life?

It should be. Alliance of Hope’s guide for survivors makes a point worth borrowing: its author chose early on that her loved one’s life would not be summed up only by how he died. An obituary can be built around what the person loved, who they loved, what they were like, and what they will be remembered for. For ideas and structure, see writing an obituary.

What might it look like?

These examples are illustrations written by Everendium, and you should use your own words.

Naming suicide: “Alex Rivera, 34, a gifted cook and a devoted uncle, died by suicide on October 1. Alex lived with depression for many years and fought hard against it. He is missed by everyone who loved him. If you are struggling, you can call or text 988. If you have lost someone to suicide, you are not alone.”

Naming the condition: “Jordan Lee, 41, died on March 3 after a long struggle with depression. Jordan loved the outdoors, bad puns, and her two daughters, who were the center of her world.”

Keeping the cause private: “Sam Okafor, 28, died unexpectedly on June 12. Sam was a musician, a loyal friend, and a joy to his family. The family thanks you for your kindness and asks for privacy.”

After an overdose: “Danny Brooks, 26, died of an overdose after living with a substance use disorder. He was gentle, generous, and funny, and he worked hard to get well. His family misses him every day.”

What practical steps should I take?

• Tell close family first. Make sure people who matter most, including children and relatives who may not know the cause, hear it from you before they read it
• Ask your funeral director. Funeral directors often help write and place notices, and the Suicide Prevention Resource Center publishes a guide for funeral directors on supporting suicide loss survivors. Ask how they’ll handle the cause of death, and whether they know newspaper policies
• Check the publisher’s rules. Newspapers and online memorial sites have their own policies and may edit or decline some wording
• Remember it’s searchable and lasting. Online notices can remain available indefinitely. Alliance of Hope notes that its memorial wall is intentionally not indexed by search engines, and that individual memorials are viewable only through a direct link. Ask any service you use how it handles privacy
• Consider memorial gifts. Some families ask for donations to a suicide prevention or support organization, or to a cause the person cared about
• Read it aloud, and ask someone you trust to read it. You’ll know when it feels right

What if I’m not sure what I want to say?

You can start with the basics and add later. Many families write a short notice at first. If you’re stuck, ask a friend or your funeral director to help draft options, and then choose.

Where can I find support?

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, any time
• Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors (allianceofhope.org): resources and an online community
• AFSP (afsp.org): resources for loss survivors
• SAMHSA National Helpline (substance use): 1-800-662-HELP (4357), free, confidential, 24/7
• Emergency: 911

See also why suicide loss feels different and losing someone to an overdose.

This is general educational information, not clinical advice. The sample notices are illustrations, not templates you must follow. If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 or call 911.