Filipino Funeral and Wake Traditions

A Filipino wake can feel unlike a quiet visitation: it may last for days, with people coming and going at all hours, praying together, eating, talking, and sometimes laughing. One Filipino American writer describing her mother’s funeral recalled someone pointing out that it felt more like a celebration and party, where people catch up and eat. Underneath that is a deep commitment to accompanying the family and praying for the person who died. This guide summarizes what published guides commonly report. Practices differ by region, family, and faith, and in the U.S. families adapt them.

What is a Filipino wake?

The wake, called lamay, burol, or in some places buhay, is a vigil held before the burial or cremation. Guides give different lengths: often three to seven nights in the Philippines, with some sources describing four to nine days, and Filipino American families commonly hold a viewing for a couple of days before burial. Close relatives are expected to stay with the body, according to one guide, with the nearest kin often receiving visitors and contributions.

In a Catholic wake, the rosary is typically prayed, often in the early evening when most visitors have arrived, and a Mass may be offered. The Filipino American writer notes that Filipino wakes are open to extended family and friends, and that prayer plays a central role.

What do families and guests do at a wake?

• Pay respects to the person and offer condolences to the family
• Pray, or simply sit quietly while others pray
• Give abuloy. Mourners and visitors commonly give a monetary donation, called abuloy, to help with funeral and burial expenses
• Bring or share food. Families customarily serve food and drinks during the vigil; one writer advises that if you attend, bring food that can be shared
• Talk, sing, and keep company. Activities near the vigil area can include conversation, music, and card games, which help keep mourners awake through the night, according to descriptions
• Dress simply. Women are often described as wearing black or white, with more conservative traditions adding veils or headbands; many guests wear dark or white clothing
• Stay as long as you like. One guide says attending both the wake and the funeral isn’t required unless you were close to the person, and that accepting food is optional

What happens after the burial?

• The pasiyam (nine-day novena). After the burial, families commonly gather for nine consecutive days or evenings of prayer, usually the rosary, led by someone in the community. The pasiyam is described as primarily Catholic, and often ends with a service and a meal with family and close friends. Catholic belief described in one account holds that these prayers help the soul move from earth toward heaven
• The 40th day. Many families hold another gathering or Mass on the 40th day, which one account associates with the belief that the soul remains until then. Some families set aside mourning clothes at this point
• The first anniversary. Families remember the person on the first anniversary of the death
• Babang luksa means different things. Some sources use the term for the end of mourning on the 40th day, and others for the first death anniversary that lifts formal mourning; ask the family which they mean
• Thank-you cards. Families often send them to those who attended and offered support

For the Catholic background, see Catholic funeral traditions.

What are pamahiin?

Pamahiin are folk beliefs that some families observe around death. Guides mention examples, including discouraging visitors from taking food home from the wake, and the idea of not going straight home after visiting a wake, sometimes tied to the practice called pagpag. These vary widely by family and region, and some families don’t observe them at all. As a guest, you don’t need to know them; if you’re unsure, follow the family’s lead or ask politely. A funeral-flowers guide notes pamahiin can affect how a wake is run, even in modern Manila.

What if the family isn’t Catholic?

Many Filipino families are Catholic, but Filipino communities also include other Christian churches, Muslims, and others, whose customs differ. If you know the family’s faith, follow the norms of that faith.

How can I be a good guest?

• Ask someone close to the family about timing, attire, and gifts
• Bring something to share or give abuloy if appropriate; a card is welcome too
• Join the prayers or sit respectfully
• Don’t rush the family. Visits can be long, and the family may be exhausted; offering to help with chores or refreshments can matter
• Mind food customs. If told that food isn’t taken from the wake, follow that, as the Filipino American writer describes
• Follow up later. The pasiyam and 40th day are opportunities to show continued support

For general guidance, see funeral etiquette: what to wear and say and visitation, wake, and viewing.

If you’re planning a Filipino wake in the U.S.

Ask the funeral home about extended visiting hours, space for a rosary and food (and its policies on outside food), a priest or lay leader for the nightly prayers, and the schedule for the pasiyam after burial. Many families gather relatives from far away, so allow time. Talk to elders about which customs matter most.

Add this to your Final Day Plan: your faith, whether you want a wake of several days, who should lead prayers, and the observances you’d like after the burial.

For other communities with multi-day, church-centered funerals, see Pacific Islander and Native Hawaiian funeral traditions.

Practices vary by community, tradition and family. Everendium provides general guidance and encourages families to consult their faith or community leaders where appropriate.