Can You Use Sick Leave, PTO, or FMLA to Grieve?

If your employer doesn’t offer bereavement leave, or you need more than it gives, you may wonder which other kinds of time off you can use. The answers differ for vacation or PTO, sick leave, and the federal Family and Medical Leave Act. Here’s how each generally works.

Can I use vacation or PTO?

Usually, yes, subject to your employer’s rules about notice and approval. PTO is typically yours to schedule, and many employers will approve it for a death in the family. Some state laws help: California’s Civil Rights Department says that if your employer doesn’t provide paid bereavement leave but you have available sick leave, vacation, personal leave, or other paid leave, your employer must allow you to use it so you can receive pay during bereavement leave. In Oregon, BOLI says other paid leave such as PTO or vacation is available to an employee taking Oregon Family Leave Act leave, and that an employer may generally determine the order in which paid leave banks are used unless a union agreement or company policy says otherwise. Illinois goes the other way for its law: an employer can’t require you to use paid leave to cover the unpaid bereavement days, though you can choose to substitute it. Ask HR which applies.

Can I use sick leave?

It depends on your state, your city, and your employer’s policy.

• Oregon: BOLI says Oregon’s sick time law allows almost all employees to earn and use at least 40 hours of protected time for several reasons, including all Oregon Family Leave Act-qualifying reasons, which include bereavement. Employers with 10 or more employees (six or more in Portland) must provide it with pay
• Illinois: the Department of Labor says the Paid Leave for All Workers Act entitles employees to up to 40 hours of paid leave per year that they can use for any reason of their choosing
• Colorado and Minnesota: HR summaries report that their paid sick leave laws allow accrued sick time to be used for bereavement, including funeral arrangements and legal or financial matters after a death; confirm with the state
• Elsewhere: many employers also allow sick leave for bereavement by policy, and some cities and counties have ordinances that do. If your employer doesn’t, ask whether it would make an exception

See bereavement leave laws by state.

Does the FMLA cover grief?

Not by itself. Oregon’s labor agency states that the FMLA does not cover bereavement. The Department of Labor’s FMLA fact sheet describes the reasons the law does cover, including an employee’s own serious health condition and the serious health condition of a spouse, child, or parent, and explains that eligible employees at covered employers can take up to 12 workweeks of unpaid, job-protected leave in a year. To be eligible, you generally must work for a covered employer (50 or more employees within 75 miles), have worked there 12 months, and have at least 1,250 hours in the past year.

When can FMLA help around a death?

• Before the death. If you’re caring for a dying spouse, child, or parent with a serious health condition, FMLA leave may protect your job. It’s often used in a loved one’s final weeks; see what family does during hospice. Oregon’s agency notes that FMLA’s family coverage is mostly limited to parents, spouses, children, and people in an in loco parentis relationship
• After the death, if grief develops into your own serious health condition. Leave for a serious health condition is covered, and an employer can require medical certification from a health care provider. Some HR and legal guides give examples such as severe depression, an anxiety disorder, or PTSD after a loss, but whether you qualify depends on a provider’s assessment and the FMLA’s definition, not on grief alone
• Intermittent leave. FMLA leave can be taken all at once or in shorter blocks, which can matter for ongoing treatment or counseling appointments

If you think you qualify, ask your doctor or therapist whether they can complete the certification, and tell HR you’re requesting FMLA leave for your own health condition. Your employer may require you to use paid leave at the same time, depending on its policy.

What about short-term disability and the ADA?

If your grief becomes a medical condition that keeps you from working, short-term disability insurance, where your employer offers it, may replace part of your pay; check the plan’s terms, which usually require a provider’s certification. Oregon’s agency also notes that employers must reasonably accommodate an employee’s disability if it doesn’t create an undue hardship, including after leave ends, which can mean adjusted schedules or additional unpaid leave in some cases. Whether your situation counts as a disability depends on the facts, so talk with your doctor and, if needed, an employment attorney.

What if I’m struggling, but not sure it’s a medical issue?

Grief is not a disorder, and most people don’t need medical leave. But if you’re unable to function for a long time, a clinician can help, and so can your employee assistance program, which the Hospice Foundation of America notes can provide extra help. See complicated grief, grief at work, and the glossary entry on prolonged grief disorder.

Questions to ask HR

• Which leave banks can I use for bereavement, and in what order?
• Does my state or city have a law that applies to me?
• Am I eligible for FMLA, and what would I need to certify?
• Do you offer short-term disability or an employee assistance program?
• Can I get any of this in writing?

This is general educational information, not legal or medical advice. Eligibility for FMLA, disability benefits, and accommodations depends on your employer, state, and a health care provider’s assessment; HR, your state labor agency, or an employment attorney can address your situation.