50 Things to Do With Your Parents While You Still Can

None of this requires a special occasion. It just requires doing it.

Conversations worth having

1. Ask what they were like at your age.
2. Ask what they’re proudest of - not as a parent, but as a person.
3. Ask what they’d do differently, if they could.
4. Ask how they met your other parent - the real story, not the shorthand version.
5. Ask what they believe happens after we die.
6. Ask what they’re afraid of.
7. Ask what they wish someone had told them at your age.
8. Ask about their own parents - who they really were.
9. Ask what the hardest year of their life was.
10. Ask what they want you to know that they’ve never said out loud.

Things worth capturing before they’re gone

11. Record them telling a story, even informally on your phone.
12. Write down the recipe only they know how to make - measurements and all, even if it’s “a handful” and “until it looks right.”
13. Ask them to identify the people in an old, unlabeled photo before nobody can.
14. Photograph the family home, room by room, before it changes hands.
15. Save a piece of their actual handwriting - a card, a note, a signature.
16. Ask them to record a voice memo just talking about their day.
17. Write down the story behind a specific object they’ve kept for decades.
18. Ask what their childhood home looked and sounded and smelled like.
19. Get them talking about their first job, and what it taught them.
20. Ask what they remember about the day you were born.

Time worth spending

21. Take a trip together - it doesn’t need to be elaborate.
22. Take a walk with no particular destination.
23. Cook a meal together, not just eat one they made.
24. Go somewhere that mattered to them when they were young.
25. Spend an ordinary afternoon together, with no agenda at all.
26. Ask to be taught something they’re good at.
27. Sit through a movie or show they love, even if it’s not your taste.
28. Visit a place from their childhood, if it’s still standing.
29. Take a drive with no destination, just to talk.
30. Share a meal from your own childhood that they used to make.

Small gestures that matter more than they seem

31. Call, for no reason other than to talk.
32. Say “I love you” without it being attached to a goodbye.
33. Take a photo with them, not just of them.
34. Tell them a specific way they shaped who you are.
35. Thank them for something specific, not just “everything.”
36. Ask for their advice about something real, even if you don’t need it.
37. Tell them a memory of theirs that you still think about.
38. Notice something small they always do, and tell them you’ll miss it - gently, not morbidly.
39. Bring up an old joke or story just to hear them tell it again.
40. Ask them what they want to be remembered for.

Practical things that are also acts of love

41. Ask where their important documents actually are.
42. Ask what they’d want if they couldn’t speak for themselves medically.
43. Ask about their wishes for a funeral, gently, without making it heavy.
44. Help them organize photos - digital or physical - while they can still identify who’s in them.
45. Ask if there’s someone they’ve lost touch with that they’d want to reconnect with.
46. Learn the names of people in their life you’ve only ever heard about.
47. Ask what they’re genuinely worried about, and actually listen.
48. Offer to help with something they’ve been putting off, without being asked.
49. Ask what would make things easier for them right now, not eventually.
50. Say the thing you’ve been meaning to say - the one you keep telling yourself there’s time for later.

Do I need to do all 50 of these?

No - this works far better as an ongoing practice than a checklist to complete. Picking one or two that feel meaningful right now, rather than treating this as a project to finish, is a more realistic and sustainable way to actually use this list.

What if my parents aren’t the type to open up easily?

Start with the simpler, lower-stakes items - a shared meal, a walk, a specific small question - rather than the more emotionally direct ones. See our guide on 10 conversations to have with healthy parents for more on approaching this gradually rather than all at once.

Is it too late if my parent is already seriously ill?

Not necessarily - many of these are still possible, sometimes in a shorter or simpler form, even during illness. What matters most is starting, in whatever form is actually possible right now.

There’s no wrong way to use this list - skip, reorder, or adapt any of these however makes sense for your own family.