Why Do We Say "Passed Away"? Euphemisms for Death

“Passed away.” “Gone.” “Lost.” Most of us use soft words for death at some point. This article looks at why, what research has found, and when plain words matter.

What is a death euphemism?

A softer or less direct way of saying someone died. Language scholars Keith Allan and Kate Burridge wrote Forbidden Words: Taboo and the Censoring of Language (2006), and researchers studying death-related language build on their work on taboo and euphemism.

How common is it?

Very. Researchers at Flinders University in Australia ran an online course on death and dying and asked 3,116 participants from 39 countries how they talk about it. The most widely used euphemism was “gone.” Variants of “passed” were also very popular, such as “passed away,” “passed over,” and “passed on.” People said they used these words mainly because “dead” or “dying” could upset others or seemed too harsh. Over two-thirds of the participants were health professionals. Many said they are comfortable with plain language but still often say “passed away” in some situations. Many also follow the lead of the person they are talking to.

Is this new?

No. A journal article on death-related language notes that the word “obituary” comes from the Latin obitus, meaning “departure,” which is itself a softer way to say death. A 2006 study by Crespo-Fernández, cited in the same article, looks at how Victorian obituaries used euphemism and metaphor. See also Where the Words Cemetery, Morgue, Hearse, and Funeral Come From. Journalism has pushed back for a long time. Language writer Ben Zimmer says that “pass away” is probably the most favored euphemism for death, but that obituary writers are often told to use “die” instead.

Can euphemisms cause problems?

Yes, when they are unclear. The Flinders team notes that euphemisms do not always matter, but they can lead to misunderstanding. They give the example of “gone.” One participant received a call from a friend who had “lost” her mother, and another described a caller who had to clarify that her husband had died. A report on a clinical study of seriously ill infants’ families found that doctors often use euphemisms and jargon when talking about death, and that a phrase like “pass on” may confuse families. The study found that the families also used euphemisms, which the researchers say may be worth noticing and responding to, even though clinical advice is to avoid them.

The psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross argued that euphemisms are evidence of a social fear of death, as the journal article summarizes. The same article notes that figurative language about death is widely seen as ordinary and natural, and that speakers who use it may be seen as more sympathetic.

What do hospices and charities advise?

Plain words. Southern Hospice Group encourages staff to use “died” and “death” instead of “passed away.” Its medical director says unclear language can add to confusion when people are already in shock or grief, and that clarity is not bluntness but kindness. A bereavement charity summary from Funeral Zone says that Age UK, Marie Curie, and Child Bereavement UK recommend simple, plain language, especially when talking to children. For more, see Talking to Children About Death.

When is a softer phrase fine?

Often. The Flinders researchers note that some people said euphemisms were acceptable when being direct would be culturally inappropriate. Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander participants preferred “finishing up” and “passed away.” The hospice itself tells families not to worry about the words they use. A fair reading of these sources is that plain words matter most when someone needs to understand what has happened, such as a child, a patient, or a family hearing news. In everyday talk with a grieving adult, it makes sense to follow their lead.

Where can I learn more?

See What to Say to Someone Who Is Dying, Why Do We Say “Rest in Peace”?, and Why Do Obituaries Say “Survived By”?.