Hmong Funeral Traditions: What to Expect and How to Show Respect

Funerals are the most elaborate and important of all Hmong ceremonies, and families put great care into doing them correctly. This guide is for guests, friends, coworkers, and professionals who want to understand what they may see and how to be respectful, and for Hmong families thinking about how to plan in the United States. It describes common practice, not a rule for every family.

Who is this guide about?

The Hmong are a people from the highlands of Laos and neighboring countries, and many Hmong families came to the United States as refugees. Large communities live in Minnesota, California, and Wisconsin. Hmong families do not all share one faith. Some follow traditional Hmong beliefs, which center on ancestors and household spirits, and others are Christian. Many families blend the two, so the details differ from one family and clan to the next.

What do many Hmong believe about death?

In the traditional view, the soul of the person who has died must travel: first back to the place of birth, then onward to meet the ancestors, and eventually to be reborn. Funeral rituals guide that journey, and Hmong community members told Minnesota Public Radio that if a funeral is not done correctly, the soul may be unable to find its way and may wander. This is why the funeral matters so much, and why families may be careful about every step.

Stanford Medicine’s ethnogeriatrics curriculum notes that dying at home can be especially important to elders who keep traditional beliefs, partly because of the household spirits, and that family gathered around the dying person are believed to receive the person’s last words as wisdom and blessings.

What happens in the first hours after a death?

Family members usually need privacy and time to grieve. Stanford’s guide describes families wailing loudly, caressing the person’s hair, face, and arms, and speaking to them, in the belief that the soul is still present and can hear. In the traditional view, cutting or dismembering the body can delay reincarnation, so autopsy and organ donation are generally not accepted, and many families also believe that metal in the body, such as fillings or implants, would weigh the soul down and should be removed before burial. If a death involves a hospital or medical examiner, it helps to tell staff early about these beliefs, and a Hmong-experienced funeral home can help the family work out what is possible. See Autopsy Explained.

What might I see at a traditional funeral?

A traditional funeral usually lasts about three days and nights, and it was once longer. Hundreds of people may attend. Community members, not a funeral director, guide the ceremony. A funeral committee organizes it, trained specialists play the qeej (a reed pipe made of bamboo) and a large drum, and women prepare food for the family and guests. The qeej songs are long and have a purpose: the first and most difficult song is meant to send the soul back toward its ancestors, and players take turns so the music does not stop. A chanter also sings a long song, often called “showing the way,” to guide the soul.

You may see decorations made from paper money, which is believed to be useful to the person in the afterlife, and these are burned at the end of the funeral. Traditionally, animals are killed for the ritual and the meals, and families in the United States adapt this in different ways. Traditional burial clothing (khaub ncaws laus, or “ancestral clothes”) is meant to help the person join the ancestors, and some families layer it with Western clothing.

What about Christian Hmong funerals?

Christian Hmong families often still gather for about three days, but with church services during the day. There are different views within Christian Hmong communities about whether ancestral burial clothing is appropriate. Some families keep it as a cultural symbol, and some Catholic families add religious symbols such as a cross to the traditional robe. Ask the family which practices they follow.

How can I be a good guest?

Ask a family member or a friend in the community what is expected, and follow the family’s lead. Plan for a long day, because ceremonies are long, and be patient with the pace. Accept food if you are offered it, since feeding guests is part of the funeral. Some funeral-industry sources say guests commonly give a cash gift to help the family with costs in place of flowers, so ask before you bring anything. People describe grief at a Hmong funeral differently: loud wailing is customary in the first moments, while some sources say mourners are expected to stay composed during later ceremonies because the focus is the soul’s rebirth. When in doubt, be quiet, respectful, and follow what the family does.

What should families planning a funeral in the United States think about?

Funeral homes that specialize in Hmong services exist, notably in the Twin Cities, and some charge by the hour, as Sahan Journal reported, so the length of the ceremony affects the cost. A funeral in Fresno was reported to cost up to $5,000 with well over 100 guests each day. During the pandemic, some Minnesota families chose ceremonies as short as three hours, or direct burial with no ceremony. Hospice is described in Stanford’s guide as underused by Hmong families, partly because some hospice values clash with family expectations, so it helps to talk early with the care team about what the family wants. For cost questions, see How to Compare Funeral Homes and Understand Pricing.

What doesn’t this guide cover?

• Ritual details, such as the words of the funeral songs and the specific roles within each clan, which belong to the community and vary
• Differences between groups, such as White Hmong and Green Hmong customs, clan practices, and customs in Laos and Thailand
• Review by the community. This guide needs review and correction by Hmong community members, clan elders, and Hmong Christian leaders before it is promoted widely

Practices vary widely by community, family, and faith. This is general information, not religious or legal advice and not a substitute for the family’s own guidance. It has not yet been reviewed by members of the Hmong community.