Cambodian (Khmer) Funeral Traditions: What to Expect and How to Show Respect

Cambodian (Khmer) funerals are deeply tied to Buddhism and to the temple, and they unfold over days and weeks. This guide is for guests, coworkers, friends, and professionals, and for Cambodian families thinking about planning in the United States. It describes common practice, not a rule for every family.

Who is this guide about?

Cambodian Americans trace their families to Cambodia, where Theravada Buddhism has long been the main religion. Cambodian communities in the United States grew mostly from refugees who fled after the Khmer Rouge years of 1975 to 1979, when an estimated 1.5 to 3 million people died and Buddhist monks were among the first targeted. EthnoMed notes that “Khmer” and “Cambodian” are used interchangeably, except in the name “Khmer Rouge.” In the communities EthnoMed describes, most Cambodian Americans are Buddhist and some are Christian. That history still shapes grief, and temples in the United States have been important places of healing and community for families who lost relatives without a proper funeral.

What do many Cambodian Buddhists believe about death?

Many Cambodian Buddhists see death as one stage in a cycle of birth, sickness, old age, death, and rebirth. Rituals are performed to help the person move on to the next stage. A monk is often invited to chant at the bedside of a dying person to prepare them, and the soul is believed to be confused and frightened after leaving the body, so if possible a monk is present at the moment of death to calm it. If someone dies in a hospital, it helps to let staff know early that the family would like a monk to be able to visit.

What happens in the days after a death?

In Cambodia, the family cares for the body, brings it home, washes and dresses it, and keeps it there for seven days or longer before cremation. Today three days is common. In the United States, EthnoMed reports that families try to keep the traditional three days, and some keep seven, depending on cost and on how long it takes relatives to arrive. Because the law does not allow the body to be kept at home, some rituals are skipped and others are done at the temple, or at home while the body is at the funeral home. Monks may be invited to the funeral home in the evenings to chant by the body, and again just before it is moved for cremation or burial. Traditional belief does not allow autopsy, removing organs, or embalming, so it is worth telling the care team and funeral home about this early. See Autopsy Explained.

What might I see at the funeral and cremation?

A procession with a lay leader called an achar, monks, family, and other mourners accompanies the coffin to the cremation. Immediate family may shave their heads and wear white, which is the traditional color of mourning. EthnoMed reports that in the United States, guests and extended family usually wear black, so ask the family what they would like. Cremation is understood as allowing the soul to part from the body, and the person then waits for rebirth.

What happens after the funeral?

After cremation, the ashes and bones are collected, cleaned, and usually kept in a stupa, a small monument, at the temple. Some families keep ashes at home, and some have a piece of bone or a tooth gilded to wear as an amulet. A remembrance ceremony with monks is held on the seventh day and again on the hundredth day. Each year in September or October, families observe Pchum Ben, a 15-day period when people go to the temple with food offerings for their ancestors and for souls who have no living relatives. Many elders hope to return to Cambodia at the end of life to be honored in the traditional ways, which EthnoMed notes is not financially possible for most families.

How can I be a good guest?

Ask a family member or friend what to wear and what to expect. EthnoMed describes some courtesies that many Cambodians value:

• Greet older people with palms together near the chest and a slight bow (som pas), and return the greeting when offered.
• Do not touch anyone’s head, which is considered the most important part of the body.
• Do not point your feet at people, and do not step over someone’s legs.
• In Cambodia, only men touch monks, and people step aside for them. Practice is often less strict in the United States, so follow the family’s lead.

What should families planning a funeral in the United States think about?

Contact the temple (wat) early, because monks’ schedules matter. Look for a funeral home that has worked with Cambodian families, and tell it your wishes about timing, evening chanting, and cremation. Longer viewing times cost more, so ask for an itemized price; see How to Compare Funeral Homes and Understand Pricing and Direct Cremation vs. Cremation With a Service. If you need an interpreter, EthnoMed notes that most Cambodians prefer one of the same sex. If a death brings back memories of the war years, the temple and community organizations can be a source of support.

What doesn’t this guide cover?

• Ritual and religious detail, such as the chants and the specific roles of monks, which belong to the community
• Lao and Thai Buddhist traditions, which are similar in some ways but not the same, and Cambodian Christian funerals
• Differences within communities, including generation, region of origin, and how long a family has lived in the United States
• Review by the community. This guide needs review by Cambodian community members and monks before it is promoted widely

Practices vary widely by community, family, and faith. This is general information, not religious or legal advice and not a substitute for the family’s own guidance. It has not yet been reviewed by members of the Cambodian community.